Topsy Turvey
by 23-17-46-11
Summary: Life had been so simple. Then I turned up on the doorstep. I made things go all topsy turvey, funny really since my name is Alice. Hello, I am Alice and this is the story of how I changed the lives of Bernard Black and Manny Bianco. {Rated T just in case cause it's Bernard and you know there's gonna be swearing. Lots of it!}


**G'day mates! You'll find below a brand new fic come to greet ya! **

**As always, I own nothing but I would be very much obliged if you would read and review :) **

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It had been a very slow week, barely anyone had come into the shop. Bernard had gotten his way through several bottles of wine a night and rarely left the shop but that wasn't unusual. Fran had gotten herself a boyfriend and that appeared to be getting quite serious which of course Bernard was none too happy about. Manny, well he was just doing as he always did, running after Bernard and then complaining to Fran about it was about 3PM on a deathly quiet Wednesday. Manny was in the shop trying, and failing, to tidy up the mess that Bernard persistently left behind him when Bernard walked in from the Kitchen and sat on his seat behind the cash register. As he lit up a cigarette the old woman in the corner of the shop gasped.

"You can't smoke in here!" She cried

"Bollocks! It's my shop and my house. I'll smoke if I damn well like! There are plenty other bookshops you can take your custom to if you don't like it." Bernard snapped

Needless to say, the woman left and I doubt she ever returned.

"Bernard, you have got to stop treating the customers like this!" Manny sighed while he tried to remove what he believed to be a stain on the table upon which Bernard had unceremoniously thrown the 'misc' pile of books.

"Hmm?" Bernard grumbled as he looked up to see what Manny was up to, "I wouldn't waste my time with that mark if I were you."

Manny stopped stooping over the table and stood straight, "Uh, why?"

"Oh, 'cause it's not a stain, it's a cigarette burn." Bernard shrugged

That was when Manny erupted, "THAT IS A WHAT?!"

"Now Manny, don't go getting all upset. You'll give me a headache. I was drunk and couldn't find the ashtray so I threw the dog end over there, it must have landed on the table there."

Manny's shoulders sagged, "When were you planning on telling me that?"

"Well, originally I was just going to wait until you had used all the cleaning products we own but then I realised that would mean I'd have to go buy more and the thought repulsed me." Bernard gave a dark chuckle and stood up, "However, we have run out of wine and that is a cause worth facing humanity for. Well, almost but I am willing to do it, either that or listen to you go on and on!."

With that Bernard flounced out the shop with his coat half on and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

Sighing, Manny turned to the door and flipped the sign from 'Closed' to 'Closed' then he sat down on the floor, then he lay down and closed his eyes. It had been a while since he had slept since Fran insisted on coming over every night to tell them all about her day with Chris. Bernard would snort and make derisive comments while Manny would slap him for being so pessimistic and horrid. Late into the night Fran would stick around and insist on talking and talking and talking. Manny would stay up purely to make sure that Bernard didn't drive away his only real friend (besides Manny, but to Bernard Manny didn't count so Manny had long since given up thinking of himself as Bernard's friend and more and more of himself as his skivvy.)

Thirty minutes later Manny felt a foot prodding his side.

"Manny, you can't be dead. I won't allow it, I forbid it. If I have to stick around, so do you. GET UP!"

Bernard was back and he had three bags. All of them full of wine bottles, that would last him two nights perhaps?

"Neurgh…" was the only sound that Manny could summon.

Rolling over and clambering onto his knees Manny did eventually manage to get up.

"Want a glass of wine?" Bernard offered, standing over him as he was in the middle of his attempt to get up.

"Jesus Bernard!" Manny cried, " I thought you were over there! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

Bernard purely cackled and walked off "No wine for you then?"

"Please Bernard, I'm really thirsty." Manny said hopefully.

"Too late!" Bernard said and sat down in his usual seat.

At least that's what I had been told by Manny. I can tell you exactly what happened thereafter.

"Who is that at the door?" Bernard sighed

Manny opened the door to me and I seemed like any other customer given that I had left my suitcase outside on the pavement.

"Hello." I began

"Tell her we're closed!" Bernard shouted from his chair.

"Sorry, we are apparently closed." Manny re-iterated

"Hmm. I see. May I at least use your toilet?" I asked politely

"Yes by all means." Manny replied and opened the door wide enough to let me through.

"MANNY! I TOLD YOU TO TELL HER WE WERE CLOSED! YOU ARE FUCKING USELESS!" Bernard screeched.

"Well. That's a nice way to welcome me Uncle Bernard." I smirked, not even flinching at his loud voice.


End file.
